Friday nights of old consist of a mixture of a few things, before inevitably ending up doing one thing. Typically, I arrive home around 5:30, fire up Spotify and knock down a pre-dinner drink, grab some food, and the head out/in with friends for debauchery.

This Friday? Not so. I was in front of the TV at 6p sharp, and ready for the impending shirtstorm that was ‘Pure Cardio.’ Dealt with some difficulties mainly due to my legs wearing out late, which is a common symptom of being out of shape. 

The more appropriate name for this workout should be ‘Pure Almost Killed Brant.’ 

As soon a I was done, I went face first onto the floor, and I could hear my heart pounding against the floor. Hopefully this didn’t upset the neighbors.

Kept Friday night pretty chill with some mall bourbon chicken and rice while buying my mom’s Mother’s Day gifts cause I’m the best son ever. 

Saturday morning, I briefly considering going kayaking with my mother and her manfriend, but decided I had to get through the first week at least before I started substituting.  

This is where I made the poor decision to go outside on my balcony and give it a shot because it was ‘nice’ out. ‘Nice’ also meant about 80% humdity, which had me pouring sweat 3 minutes in. Quite the harbinger of things to come.

WE ACHIEVED OUR FIRST VOMIT. I twice heaved up large gulps of water that I had just ingested. Luckily, no neighbors were outside to see this. However, a bunch of them did see me doing yoga poses. Pretty sure they know now that 1) I like to listen to Tupac/Call Me Maybe extremely loud 2) I support local sports teams 3) I do yoga on my porch. 4) We have a bevy of Christmas lights in our apartment.

I’m heading toward most interesting man in the world status. 

Despite breaking down very heavily at the end, I technically finished. That means I can eat whatever the hell I want between now and lunch tomorrow

I’m considering making Golden Corral happen, because at the moment, I’m hungry enough to eat grandma. 

Here’s a tiny video of today